Am I Willing?

I am writing this post while in a melancholy, retrospective mood.  Thus, I will begin with a disclaimer.
This post is in no way implicating, condemning, demeaning, criticizing, or meant in any way, shape, or form to cause anyone who happens to read the information contained in said post to feel any of the above emotions (or any others I failed to include).  I am writing this for my own retrospection so I will never forget what it truly means to be a friend.

 So now, let me share what I have learned about being a friend, especially during a crisis.

The past few years have been ones of walking through crisis for me.  I do not use the word crisis lightly, even though I do tend to be a bit dramatic at times.  When we are told in Galations 6:2 to "Bear one anothers burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.", the Greek word for burden has the meaning of "excess burdens, boulders, crisis, and tragedy."  People go through many different types of crisis during a life time.  If you happen to be one who has never been through a crisis, may you be building friendships for when that crisis does happen.   During and following a crisis period, many emotions ensue.  They run the gamut from anger, hurt, shock, pain (sometimes physical, sometimes emotional and mental), guilt, disbelief to hysterical crying and equally hysterical laughing, etc.  At the beginning of my crisis, I thought my heart was going to pound straight out of my chest.  I was sad and angry, I was hurt, I was shocked, I was hysterically crying, I was in disbelief, I was numb.  The numbness was heavy.  The numbness permeated every cell of my being.  My numbness was shared by a friend, and another, and another.

 Now, what makes this handful of friends true friends?  They were willing to get into the yuck of my crisis with me.  They were "God with skin on" to me.  They sat in the floor with me and we cried together, they held me as I cried, they called to check on me and when I couldn't talk through the tears they showed up at my house to make sure I was going to make it through that night, they gave up their personal time to stand beside me during the hardest and darkest hours, they listened as I asked questions they didn't have answers to and they didn't try to answer them, they made me eat when I didn't want to eat, they did everything they could to lighten the load for me.  They opened their home to me, they helped with my children, they brought me meals, they cleaned for me, they reassured me of the promises of Christ that I most needed,  but the most important thing they did was listen and walk through the yuck of the crisis. I knew and still know that any one of this handful of friends would be there in the blink of an eye for me.

Walking through someone else's yuck is not what I would describe as fun.  It causes you to open yourself up,  to be vulnerable, to most likely be out of your comfort zone, to not be able to fix the crisis.  I have been given the opportunity (yes, opportunity) to walk through different peoples yuck with them and sadly, I have failed some of them.  Some yuck is just too, well, yucky.  Maybe it brings to the surface things you would rather let lie dormant, maybe it isn't convenient (are there any crisis that are?), maybe it is too embarrassing, maybe it is too painful, too close to home, too real to get involved in.  Sometimes you become part of someones yuck by divine intervention.  Why did God put that handful of people in my life to walk through my yuck with me?  Why did God allow me to walk through so and so's yuck with them?  Whatever the reason, I am grateful for the experience of walking through someone else's yuck and for being the recipient of someone investing in me during my yuck.

When you walk through a crisis with someone, a bond is formed; a bond of knowing, a bond of pain, a bond of joy, a bond unlike any other that can develop on earth.   In one book I read during these past years, the people willing to go through the yuck of the writers crisis were referred to as "stretcher bearers".  I like to refer to the handful who were willing to go through my yuck as "God with skin on".  These friends were and are loyal, trustworthy, sincere, devoted, kind, patient, giving, loving, honest, available, encouraging.  They did not try to fix the crisis because honestly, some crisis in life only Christ can fix. They did not give me a Bible or quote Scripture to me and tell me to trust God more.  They did not betray my trust by sharing my crisis with others.  They did not demand I be "normal" but gave me room to grieve.  They protected me when I was in situations that were precariously dangerous.  They helped me fix my makeup when I fell apart in public.  They were patient when I couldn't seem to make it over the next hurdle.  They truly displayed Christ to me in many ways.

Some things that I have learned through being on the owners end of the yuck of a crisis are: some days are good and some days are not so good, a crisis doesn't just magically vanish and become fixed as quickly as it came to being, tears surprise you at the most inopportune times, grief is unpredictable, life doesn't stop because you are in a crisis, God's grace is sufficient!

I have learned some things NOT to do when walking through someones crisis with them: do NOT share their crisis as a prayer request, pretend everything is normal and walk around the monster in the room, tell them you noticed a change but thought they were upset with you, tell them you didn't want to bother them by asking how they were doing, give them good Christian answers or quote Romans 8:28 to them, try to fix their crisis by saying "if it were me I would ...", ask them why they can't just move on and forget about said crisis.

Being willing to walk through the yuck of a crisis with someone takes an investment in that person in many ways.  Am I willing to walk through the yuck with someone?  I hope I don't miss an opportunity to be "God with skin on" to someone.  I would never be on the back side of the yuck of my crisis without that special handful of friends who I am forever grateful to.  Thank you friends!

Lessons Learned

Anniversaries turn into years.
Years of pain.
Years of laughter.
Years of discovery.
Years of learning.
Years of growing.
Years.

Anniversary's are supposed to be joyous celebrations, yet my life contains some anniversary's that bring anxiety, heaviness, and gratefulness at God's goodness, grace, and blessings.  Those descriptions don't seem to go together, yet walking through this life has proven to be one of continual discovery at seeking the blessings in the dark spots; otherwise bitterness would ensue and Satan would win.

I have learned many lessons in these past years. Here are just a few of the more profound lessons I have been blessed to learn.
God has shown me that in my weakness, He truly is strong.
My shoulders are bigger than I thought they were, when I allow God to carry the load.
Fear and low self-esteem are my nemesis.
Anxiety and panic attacks are NOT fun to endure.
Friends, true friends, are not to be taken for granted.
Grief is exhausting and surprising at the same time.
Betrayal, regardless of the form it takes, is horrible to endure.
Christ is the only one who promises to never leave or forsake and He alone keeps His promises.
Satan is more powerful than we truly give him credit for, but Christ has won the victory in the end. Praise Him!
I have found that my faith is much deeper than I ever imagined and yet so lacking at the same time. Trust isn't easily regained.
All counselors are not alike.
Good teaching, taken out of balance, leads to becoming an enabler to someone else.  I wanted to do things so right, that I ended up doing them all wrong.  I allowed myself to get lost in what I thought was being a good, submissive person, friend, wife, mom, etc.  However, I had taken it to the umpteenth degree and enabled others to abuse me, disrespect me, dishonor me, devalue me. Boundaries are priceless.
The most important discovery is this:  My worth, my value, isn't found in a person, a job, an activity, a hobby, a title; my worth is found because of who I am because of Christ Jesus living inside me.
I can survive.
I am loved.
I am His!